REPORT: Man Slips on Banana, Gets Impaled
It was funny for a second there... right?
Richard Browler, 42, white, slipped on a banana and landed on a spike, killing him instantly.
Are we allowed to laugh at that? It’s still funny, right? Even though he died? Is it bad that I laughed? I mean, the banana part is funny, that’s a classic. The spike part kinda put the kibosh— er, kebab— in it, eh? Too soon? That was insensitive. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve had a tough week.
I just found out my kids don’t respect me. Do you know how humiliating that is? I offered to come in for Career Day, they said “only if you show up in a casket.” My own kids. My flesh and blood. My wife didn’t even back me up. She just turned away and tried to hide her chuckle. I HEARD THE CHUCKLE, SUSAN! WE ALL HEARD THE CHUCKLE!
I’m gonna get fired for this. They’re gonna can my ass. I’m so fucking stupid.
Not as stupid as he looked when he slipped on that banana 😂
Not as stupid as I’m gonna look when I walk out of the office with all of my belongings in a cardboard box 🙁
I started putting clothes in my desk because I’ve been sleeping in my office. I’m too embarrassed to go home. I’m such a fucking loser. Fuck.
Shit the boss is coming I gotta delete all that—
EDITOR’S NOTE:
The author of this article slipped and broke his neck while leaving the office upon being let go. We are publishing this, his final article, untouched, out of respect.
A memorial service will be held at Riverview Elementary’s Career Day (6/20), from 1PM-3PM.